Scriptwriting 101 - Evaluation of a script

"Kolsken's photo was teared into pieces, publicly. Maltians of Cheeny heritage were being warned not to be like Joey in US the A, and don't corner the Muays or they will be forced to fight for survival. Ironic as it is, when the reporter asked Artificial Intelligence (AI) what if he is to be detained under Institutionalized Citizens Act (ICA), the reporter instead is being accused by AI himself for being seditious. So?

AI's membership in UMPTE has been suspended for 3 years. So?

A lot of ppl (politicians & citizens) asked for him to be jailed under ICA, but few others said let's not request the use of an unjust Act that we all condemn for so long. So?

The major turn of event: Raj Poomy has been detained under ICA for 2 months. So?
The reporter has also been caught. So?
Even another totally unrelated Meshed Potatoes was caught. So?
They said there's a long list to come. So?

So what? haven't you seen it coming?

There's no hope for this M&Ms country... perhaps until the alleged 9/6. That will be the climax of the whole episode, if it happen."

Short question: Please read the above script/draft and criticize on its narrative structure. (10 marks)

Sample answer: The story is very forced, the build-up to the climax is weak too despite being too obvious. I also think that the role of protagonist and antagonist are blurred, audience will not like to see ambiguity. Personally i think the twist of the story is the major weakness of the whole script, as it comes in unannounced, which only will give our audience a shock, a jolt, but this technique is inferior to suspense which will sustain the audience's thrill for a longer time.
I suggest that the climax should come in earlier, and instead of allegation, which is weak in nature, it should be a concrete plan. Audience needs to feel hope in the story, and not a doomed setting.
In general, the story is unbelievable and unreal, it will not happen in real life, hence audience will find great difficulties in relating to the story. Without audience's involvement, the script will be a failure.